Domestic Violence Prevention Program
Domestic Violence (DV) impacts 1 in 3 women and 1 in 10 men in the United States every year. In northwest Riverside County, there are exponentially more victims than there are resources to help–and those are just the known cases. Many believe that DV happens to someone else or is someone else's problem. But those two ideologies are furthest from the truth. It is everyone's problem and is considered a serious public health issue. Domestic Violence does not discriminate nor care about race, religion, socioeconomic status, education level, job or career path, beauty, etc. None of it matters because it’s about people and choice.
DV is about control and power, plain and simple. It is a systematic pattern in behavior to instill dominance, superiority, and surveillance in the relationship. It is not an illness or a sickness. It is a choice. And it is not only punching, choking, or slapping, it is sexual, emotional, psychological, financial, legal, and spiritual. Many think–if I am not being physically beaten, then I am not being abused. The impacts of psychological and emotional abuse are proven to be longer-lasting and more difficult to deconstruct than it takes for bruises to fade and broken bones to heal.
As a community, we all have a responsibility to educate our youth on how healthy relationships are crucial in building a society that values respect, empathy, and equality. By talking about and demonstrating what a healthy relationship looks like, we can help prevent them from experiencing or perpetrating abuse and empower them to develop positive and fulfilling connections with others. When young people learn about healthy communication, boundaries, and consent, they are better equipped to navigate the complexities of relationships in a safe and respectful way. Additionally, these conversations can help break the cycle of violence and abuse that can be passed down from generation to generation. By investing in our youth’s understanding of healthy relationships, we can create a world where every person is able to live free from fear and violence in their own homes.
If you are in a life-threatening situation, please dial 9-1-1, If you need to talk, call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline 888-799-SAFE (7223), If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, you are not alone! There are resources that can help you.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE DEFINED
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive and controlling behaviors in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.
Domestic violence can impact people of all race, age, gender, sexuality, religion, education level, economic status, belief systems or values can be a victim — or perpetrator — of domestic violence. That includes behaviors that physically harm, intimidate, manipulate or control a partner, or otherwise force them to behave in ways they don’t want to, including through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, gaslighting, sexual abuse, financial control and more (www.thehotline.org). Remember, domestic violence is about POWER AND CONTROL. It is not an illness. It is not a disease. It is a CHOICE.
Multiple forms of abuse are usually present at the same time in abusive situations, and it’s essential to understand how these behaviors interact so you know the signs of an abuse relationship.
Red Flags of an Abusive Relationship
It is not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive. In fact, many abusers may seem “perfect” on the surface as if they are the dream partner in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors do not always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, here are some red flags that you may be in an abusive behavior:
Extreme jealousy of your family, friends or any time you spend away from them
Preventing you from making your own decisions (i.e. about working, going to school, etc.)
Always making you feel that you cannot do anything right
Pressuring you to do things you are not comfortable with such as sexual acts, drinking or drug use
Intimidating you and making you feel scared or like you're constantly "walking on eggshells"
Threatening to take your kids away, cut you off financially, have you deported, or other drastic measure if you leave
Threatening to kill you or themselves
If you are in a life-threatening situation, please dial 9-1-1
If you need to talk, call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline 888-799-SAFE (7223)
If you think you may be in an abusive relationship, you are not alone! There are resources that can help you.
UNDERSTANDING RISK FACTORS
About 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime and reported at least one impact of the violence (https://ncadv.org/statistics, 2021). Click here to learn the statistics in California.
Over 43 million women and about 38 million men experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime?
Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate; all people of all race, age, gender, sexuality, religion, education level, economic status, belief systems or values can be a victim — or perpetrator — of domestic violence. That includes behaviors that physically harm, intimidate, manipulate or control a partner, or otherwise force them to behave in ways they don’t want to, including through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, gaslighting, sexual abuse, financial control and more. Remember, domestic violence is about POWER AND CONTROL. It is not an illness. It is not a disease. It is a CHOICE. But is also preventable.
Domestic Violence is not caused by a single factor. Instead, a combination of factors at the individual, relationship, community, and societal levels can increase or decrease the risk of violence (Center for Disease Control, February 2024).
Risk factors are characteristics that may increase the likelihood of experiencing or perpetrating intimate partner violence. However, they may or may not be direct causes. Protective factors are characteristics that may decrease the likelihood of experiencing or perpetrating intimate partner violence. Understanding and addressing risk and protective factors can help identify various opportunities for prevention.
Individual Risk Factors
Low self-esteem
Low education or income
Young age.
Aggressive or delinquent behavior as a youth
Heavy alcohol and drug use
Depression and suicide attempts
Anger and hostility
Lack of nonviolent social problem-solving skills
Antisocial personality traits and conduct problems
Poor behavioral control and impulsiveness
Traits associated with borderline personality disorder
History of being physically abusive
Having few friends and being isolated from other people
Economic stress (e.g., unemployment)
Emotional dependence and insecurity
Belief in strict gender roles (e.g., male dominance and aggression in relationships)
Desire for power and control in relationships.
Hostility towards women
Attitudes accepting or justifying violence and aggression
History of physical or emotional abuse in childhood
Relationship Risk Factors
Relationship conflicts including jealousy, possessiveness, tension, divorce, or separations
Dominance and control of the relationship by one partner over the other
Families experiencing economic stress
Unhealthy family relationships and interactions
Association with antisocial and aggressive peers
Parents with less than a high school education
Witnessing violence between parents as a child
History of experiencing poor parenting as a child
History of experiencing physical discipline as a child
Community Risk Factors
Relationship conflicts including jealousy, possessiveness, tension, divorce, or separations
Dominance and control of the relationship by one partner over the other
Families experiencing economic stress
Unhealthy family relationships and interactions
Association with antisocial and aggressive peers
Parents with less than a high school education
Witnessing violence between parents as a child
History of experiencing poor parenting as a child
History of experiencing physical discipline as a child
Societal Risk Factors
Traditional gender norms and gender inequality (e.g., the idea women should stay at home, not enter the workforce, and be submissive; men should support the family and make the decisions)
Cultural norms that support aggression toward others
Societal income inequality
Weak health, educational, economic, and social policies or laws
HEALTHY, UNHEALTHY, AND ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners and they take effort and compromise from both people. There is no imbalance of power. Partners respect each other's independence, can make their own decisions without fear of retribution or retaliation, and share decisions. The most effective way to prevent abusive relationships, is through educating the community, especially teens and young adults, on what safe and healthy relationships look like.
Talking about feelings, speaking to personal experiences and empathizing with a partner’s experience.
When people in a relationship are respected and listened to, despite any differences.
When people talk respectfully to each other when there are disagreements.
When people are purposeful about intimacy and communicate honestly and openly about physical affection and sex.
When partners trust and support each other to spend time with others they care about.
Unhealthy Relationships
Some relationships find themselves in between healthy and abusive, and these are simply called unhealthy relationships. An unhealthy relationship is one that causes you distress or harm because you're unsupported, manipulated or disrespected. While we all have our moments and seasons of selfishness, a truly toxic person will take and take and take and give you nothing in return. Many people contend with unhealthy relationships daily, but the key difference in these types of relationships versus abusive relationships are power, control and harm.
When a person’s feelings or needs are ignored and disrespected.
When disagreements often turn into fights.
Not having the opportunity or comfort to explore or communicate feelings within the relationship.
When people feel embarrassed or unwilling to express how they feel because their partner may not listen or care.
When there is a lot of jealousy in the relationship when one partner talks to or spends time with other people they care about.
Abusive Relationships
Abusive relationships may or may not start abusive. While there can be some red flags, it is not always easy to predict that your partner may become abusive. In fact, many abusers are known to be very outgoing, charismatic, and the "life of the party." It is also common for abusers to be very aesthetically attractive, successful and have a great career. Control and power are the roots of domestic violence, however, that is not the only factor. Oftentimes abusers come from abusive households growing up, have been violent in a relationship before but claims to have changed, and/or may have trouble with drugs and alcohol.
The need to control/manipulate others’ thoughts and feelings.
When a partner is actively disrespected, ignored, demeaned and their ideas and feelings are treated with contempt.
When someone is afraid to disagree because they don’t want to run the risk of their partner’s anger, abuse and/or violence. If there is disagreement, the typical response is belittling and/or abusive.
When someone’s wants and needs are ignored and they are pushed into situations that frighten and/or degrade them.
When one partner is constantly accused of flirting when they interact with other people or ordered not to see or talk to other people they care about.
Healthy Relationship Traits
Some examples of what a healthy relationship looks like are:
Communication: Talking openly about problems, listening to one another and respecting each other's opinions.
Respect: You value each other as you are.
Trust: You believe what your partner has to say. You do not feel the need to "prove" that you can be trusted.
Honesty: You are honest with each other, but can still keep some things private.
Equality: You make decisions together and hold each other to the same standard.
Enjoying personal time: You enjoy spending time apart, alone or with others, but you respect and understand each other's need for time apart.
Making mutual sexual choices: You talk openly about sexuality and reproductive choices together. All partners should willingly consent to sexual activity and should be able to safely discuss various comfort levels.
Economic/financial partner: You and your partner have equal say with regard to finances and both partners have access to the resources they need.
Engaging in supportive parenting: All partners are able to parent in a way they feel comfortable with. You communicate together about the needs of the child, as well as the needs of the parent.
Unhealthy Relationships Traits
Some examples of an unhealthy relationship qualities are:
No Communication: When problems arise, you fight or you don’t discuss them at all.
Disrespect: One or more partners is not considerate of the other.
No Trust: One partner doesn't believe what the other says, or feels entitled to invade their privacy.
Dishonesty: One or more partners tells lies.
Controlling: One partner feels their desires and choices are more important.
Limited Social Circle: Your partner's community is the only one you socialize in or you can't seem to go anywhere without your partner.
Pressured to Have Sex: one partner uses pressure or guilt on the other to have sex or do anything sexual at any point.
Financial Inequality: Finances are not discussed, and/or it is assumed only one partner is in charge of finances.
Abusive Relationship Traits
Some examples of what abusive relationship looks like are:
Communicates in a way that is hurtful, threatening, insulting or demeaning.
Mistreats the other partner and does not respect the feelings, thoughts, decisions, opinions, or physical safety of the other.
Accuses the other of cheating or having an affair when it is not true. The accuser may hurt the other partner in a physical or verbal way as a result.
Denies that the abuse actions are abuse. An abusive partner may even try to blame the other for the harm they're doing, makes excuses for abusive actions, or minimizes the abusive behaviors.
One partner controls the other. There is no equality in the relationship. One partner makes all decisions for the couple without the other's input.
Isolates the other partner and controls where the other one goes and who they talk to. They may isolate their partner from family and friends progressively or all at once.
Forces sexual activity or causes pregnancy intentionally. One partner forces the other to have sex or do something they do not want to do sexually. In relationships where pregnancy is a physical possibility, one partner may force the other to become pregnant.
Exerts financial control by controlling the other partner's access to money and resources. Having an open dialogue about finances is not an option. This may include preventing a partner from earning an income or not allowing a partner access to their own income.
DV Awareness 2023 FINAL.pdf